so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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