did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
