she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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