I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
