did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
