I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
