Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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