i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
