i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
