He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
