I wish I could punch you in the face.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
