Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
