I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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