i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize