I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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