my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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