just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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