So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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