Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
