that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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