I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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