I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Drunk is a universal language darling
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