I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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