you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
