Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
