I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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