It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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