a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We talked him into tasing himself.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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