alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
