someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize