Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
