You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
