I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
