The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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