TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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