You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
