My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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