If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize