even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
