My balls are so social today.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
