Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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