Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
