i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is classic penis vs brain.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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