I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
