you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
