i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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