dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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