I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I could fuck to npr.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
