Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
