some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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