You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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