NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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