it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
