tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
