she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Randomize
