the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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