Your tits are I can't wait for
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize