youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
