Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
