I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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