I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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