My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
