There was a lot of him and a little penis
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
