I think my vagina is haunted
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Your cock deserves a montage
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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