Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
