No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize