This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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