i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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