He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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