I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
