I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
