I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
love makes seman taste better
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
