Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
