I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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